The Song of Songs has an oft-quoted but misunderstood phrase, “Do not awaken love before its time.” We all know that this statement is true. We all know that only fools rush into love. But, why is the bride’s statement right? And why is she the one who gives this warning, when she is clearly in the midst of falling in love? What makes her situation different? Why is it her time to awaken love?
In this paper I want to examine the three warnings against love in the Song of Songs. The bride gives these warnings against love in 2:7, 3:5, and 8:4. Why here? Why at these moments in the poem?
Before I can begin my argument for the bride’s three warnings, I must explain how I read the Song because that is key to my interpretation. I read the Song as one cohesive story of one bride and one groom. They are in love, and the Song records their relationship. This is important because I argue that the bride gives these warnings as a response to her growing understanding of love. The more she learns about love, the better she understands its power; thus, she warns the daughters against flippantly awakening themselves to love. Each warning is prompted by the discovery of a new facet of love. The rest of this paper will examine these facets.
Love Brings Overwhelming Joy
The first warning appears in Song 2:7. The first section of the poem focuses on the bride and groom’s enjoyment of one another. In these chapters the bride delights in her groom (1:2), is constantly praised by him (1:15), and doted on by him (2:4–6). This experience is literally overwhelming. She says that this whole experience has left her lovesick (2:6). The bride has experienced what many of us have experienced: that all-encompassing feeling of being in love.
When love awakens, it consumes and controls. The bride loves being loved by the groom, yet she also sees the power that it has over her. Her whole life is consumed with him. Her experience with him is like a sickness; not to say that it is unenjoyable, but to say that she cannot simply will it away. Sickness must be endured until it runs its course, and love has a similar trait. The bride cannot turn off her love for the groom, so much so that when she is not with him, she spends her time thinking about him. Being in love consumes the bride’s life. C. S. Lewis captures this problem well in Mere Christianity:1
Whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending, “They lived happily ever after” is taken to mean, “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?
Lewis recognizes the power and danger of being in a constant state of lovesickness. How will this person function as a normal human if he is constantly in that hyper-emotional state of lovesickness?
The bride, who has experienced the power of being in love, now warns the daughters of Jerusalem. She has tasted the power of love, has seen how it consumes her time and strength. She has learned of the power of love which was a wonderful and positive experience for her; nonetheless she still saw its power. She warns the daughters that love is amazing and yet powerful. Therefore, do not awaken love before its time.
Love Makes Vulnerable
The second warning appears in 3:5; despite only being one chapter after the first warning, the bride has gone through a huge ordeal. Since the last warning, the bride has been separated from her beloved. In chapter 3 the bride goes out to find her beloved, but he is nowhere to be found (3:1–3). She looks all over the city for him, asks the guards, but despite this she cannot find him. This leaves her in a panic. Up until this point he was with her; there was no thought of his being gone. But now she must face the reality that she can lose her beloved.
When she finally finds him, she clings to him and refuses to let him go (3:4). Now that she understands that losing him is possible, she learns that love makes one vulnerable. Not only does she get to experience new joys with awakened love, but she also now faces new fears and anxieties. What will happen if he disappears again? if he does not come back? Love makes her vulnerable to loss.
Lewis again has great insights into this aspect of love. In The Four Loves he famously writes,2
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
Lewis powerfully explains the dangers that come with love. There is no way around the dangers of love; the only way to guard against this vulnerability is to simply not love anything at all. There is no way to love and not be vulnerable to loss because the two go hand-in-hand.
The bride now understands a new facet of love: it makes one vulnerable. Now that love has awakened, she must fear losing the one whom she loves. There are new ways to hurt her, new ways to get at her. This weakness necessarily comes with love. The bride gives a new warning to the daughters in response to her new knowledge. She warns the daughters that love opens one to new fears and new anxieties; love makes one more open to pain and suffering. Therefore, do not awaken love before its time.
Love is Transformative
The final warning does not appear until the very end of the book in 8:4. Much has happened in the romance of the bride and groom; thus, I need to recap the last few chapters to explain this final warning. In chapter 5 the bride again loses her groom, but this time she does not break down (5:2–7). This time she remains confident in her groom, so confident that when the daughters of Jerusalem find the bride in her misery, she does not cry to them about her sorrows but instead declares her love for the beloved and then begins to sing a litany of praise about him (5:8–16). The daughters are so moved by the fact that her terrible circumstances do not change her love for the groom they long to meet the man. They say, “Where has your beloved turned, that we may seek him with you” (6:1)?
Shortly after the bride finishes her declaration of love, the groom arrives on the scene and then begins to praise the bride with many of the same praises that she had given to him (6:4–10). Upon hearing the praises of the groom, the daughters of Jerusalem burn with a new desire, they say, “Return, return, O Shulammite, return, return, that we may look upon you” (6:13). The daughters now want to behold, not just the groom, but also the bride. What makes their statement even more interesting is that they call her Shulammite. Shulammite is the feminine version of Solomon. Assuming that Solomon is the love interest in the story, then the bride has become a feminine Solomon. She has become like her beloved. This is enhanced by the groom’s praises that echo her own praises of him. She now has the same qualities of her beloved. The daughters long to see her because to see the bride is now as good as seeing the groom. The bride in her maturity now reflects the one that she loves. Chapter 7 showcases the bride doing things that the groom had previously done: she cares for the flock and she goes out into the wilderness. She is like her groom and does the work of him.
This shows the transformative power of love. Love changes you. Love makes you become like the object of your love. To put a slight twist on the phrase popularized by James K. A. Smith, you are who you love.3 Being in love has the power to change who we are; it does not leave us the same.
The bride gives her final warning about love in light of her realization that she has become like her beloved. She has seen the transformative power of love and recognizes the immense good it has done for her because she loved a good man but also sees the great danger that love poses as well. What happens if one were to love a wicked man? She warns the daughters to not awaken love because love is transformative. It changes who we are. She understands that the power of love is not merely in its ability to sway and control our emotions, but more deeply than that, it can sway and change the very core of who we are. Therefore, do not awaken love before its time.
Love is the Best Thing
Love opens the person to overwhelming joy; it makes one vulnerable to heartache and ultimately changes us into the likeness of the one we love. Love is powerful, but it is not evil. The warning against awakening love is never because the bride thinks of love as something bad. Quite the opposite—she warns because she sees how good it is. Love is immensely powerful because it is so good. To again turn to C. S. Lewis, he says,4
The better stuff a creature is made of—the cleverer and stronger and freer it is—then the better it will be if it goes right, but also the worse it will be if it goes wrong. A cow cannot be very good or very bad; a dog can be both better and worse; a child better and worse still; an ordinary man, still more so; a man of genius, still more so; a superhuman spirit best—or worst—of all.
Love can become very dangerous precisely because it is so good. Love is the greatest gift and thus it can become the greatest of curses. Love must be guarded just as the Holy of Holies was guarded. It was the most important location in the Old Covenant, but it was heavily guarded and off-limits to most people. Love, likewise, must be guarded because it is so good. We must not treat it trivially; we cannot flippantly give our hearts away.
The warnings against awakening love are given by a woman who has experienced the power and riches of love. She gives these warnings as an act of love towards those who come after her. She tells us, “Guard your hearts; do not work up love simply to be in love.” Instead, be slow to awaken love, be careful about who you give your heart to, and receive counsel and guidance before allowing love to awaken. We are told to be careful and to not awaken love before its time, for love is as strong as death and its jealousy as demanding as the grave.
Matthew Darby is an assisting priest at All Saints Anglican Honolulu.