In As You Like It, Shakespeare famously describes the seven ages of a man’s life. The division of man’s life into stages is not an invention by Shakespeare, nor merely a common medieval artifice, but an expression of the real journey taken in life.
Shakespeare seems to divide up the ages of men according to different roles that he plays, a nursing infant, a boy at school, a sighing lover, and so forth. These ages are appropriate to his extended metaphor that “All the world’s a stage.”
Yet, the more fundamental stages of a man’s life should be defined by his changing relationships as he matures. What does it mean to be a man? The answer to that question is instantiated in the created relationships that a man moves through in life: as a son, a brother, a husband, a father, and an elder. These relationships are not only basic to human life, but they are the common expressions used in Scripture to describe men in their various stages of life. In other words, God has designed men in a particular way, with a particular growth and development, and one that instantiates what it means to be male and masculine.
Leon Podles has well documented that men, in the last century, have often absented themselves from the Christian Church (especially see Losing the Good Portion: Why Men are Alienated from Christianity). Those who recognize this exodus have taken it upon themselves to produce an ever increasing amount of literature geared at restoring “true masculinity.” There is much promising in the number of publications aimed at Christian men, but they will fail insofar as they only remain in the abstracted realm of “masculinity” and never derive what it means to be a man from the actual roles and relationships of men that God has embedded in creation. It is these relationships that give masculine an actual definition, boundary, and identity. A man is first a son, then a brother, a husband, a father, and an elder. More needs to be written about the way that these relationships become defining features of masculinity, rather than an abstracted concept of manhood which tries to infuse it with an artificial meaning derived from questionable sources (like drawing on the mating rituals of apes or the biology of lobsters).
In his work, The Ten Commandments, Peter Leithart emphasizes the masculine referent. The commandments are addressed to a son, the second person singular masculine form of the verbs. I want to push this further. The son is also addressed in the second table of the law in the variety of relationships that give further depth to calling as a man.
Stage 1: The Fifth Commandment and the Son
The fifth commandment directly addresses man as a son. Although the gender is imperceptible in the English translation, the Hebrew uses the second person singular masculine imperative here, as well as the second person singular masculine suffixes “your (masculine) father and your (masculine) mother.”
For a man, the very first relationship that he has in this world is that of son. Man does not emerge through his own strength or out of random chance. Instead, a man enters into the world begotten. A man begins as a son and always retains his relationship as a son. Sonship is the indelible shape of masculinity. Every human male is necessarily always a son. You cannot be a man who is not a son.
This is even true of Jesus in the incarnation. Not only did the second person of the Trinity take on flesh, he specifically took on the flesh and blood of a son of Mary. Every man is begotten, every man is born, and this means that masculinity finds its origin in the givenness of being a son.
A man enters into the world as a recipient. This includes, most obviously, receiving a father and a mother. But it also includes the inheritance of the father and mother, it includes his beating heart, the functioning brain, the curling of his little fingers. It includes the house, home, food, and general life and cheer and certainly time, effort, and energy of the household. To be a man then means to be one who is laden with grace.
The basic masculine response is gratitude to mom and dad, whose words are “a graceful crown on your head and chains about your neck” (Proverbs 1:9). And this is why the commandment to the son is “honor your father and mother.” The fundamental response of a son must necessarily be total thanksgiving.
On the other side is the son who is rebellious, disobedient, and ungrateful. The one who blames his father for all his problems and yells at his mother is rejecting his masculinity for a self-imagined world where he is only an autonomous, self-made, self-relating individual. In short, the man who refuses to honor his parents rejects his most basic identity as a son and therefore his most basic identity as a man. Dishonoring parents is not only a rejection of sonship but a rejection of manhood and masculinity.
Stage 2: The Sixth Commandment and the Brother
The sixth commandment addresses man in his brotherly relationship. The connection of this commandment to the second stage of a man’s life is clear since it falls after the fifth commandment (to the son) and occurs before the seventh commandment (addressed to the husband).
A man is born a son, but only becomes a brother when his siblings are born. And so the brotherly relationship changes from the vertical honor of parents to the horizontal affection for his brother. This is the communal life together of the brotherhood.
As a brother, a man does not owe obedience and gratitude to him in the same way as he does to the one who has given him life. Instead he has a different obligation to him, which is one of mutual love and affection. His brother is a companion, a friend, and a fellow journeyman. In this relationship, the brother finds himself with an equal. The Greek word for brother, adelphos, “from the same womb,” conveys this. The brother has similar interests, similar tastes, similar ideas. He looks similar.
A sibling who doesn’t like to be compared with his brother might defiantly yell, “We are completely different,” but, in fact, these differences are noted precisely because the shared resemblance is so close. In other words, you share a common life with your brother (you might even share the same bedroom). This calls for brotherly affection.
This is why the commandment is, “You shall not murder.” While Adam disobeys God in the garden as a son, it is Cain—the brother—who murders Abel. Cain refuses the fellowship of Abel. Rather than working with and alongside of his brother, perhaps by trading his vegetables for a lamb, Cain envies him. Rather than loving his brother and seeking to benefit his friend and closest neighbor, he kills him and takes the lifeblood of Abel. Cain seeks to make himself brotherless, so that he does not need to share his goods or live the common life. Cain eviscerates his masculinity by removing his brother. But it is part of the masculine virtue, not only to give thanks to your parents, but then to live together in the common life of brotherhood.
Stage 3: The Seventh Commandment and the Husband
The seventh commandment directly addresses a man in the next stage of his life as a husband in relationship to his wife. A man cannot commit adultery against his brother, but he can against his wife.
In the first two stages of a man’s life, he becomes a son and also a brother by virtue of his parents. However, he only becomes a husband through an act of his own volition, where he enters into the covenantal bond of marriage. In Hebrew, Greek, and Latin, the word for “husband” is simply “man.” Adam refers to himself by this name (ish in Hebrew) only when he meets his wife for the first time. While manhood is not to be equated with the work of a husband, a husband’s work is one of the chief expressions of masculine virtue, which is faithfulness.
The English word husband means “housebound,” A man binds himself to a woman in covenant. This is why adultery is forbidden because it is the action of a man who is unsteady, unfaithful, and who wavers in his fortitude. Herman Bavinck notes that “unfaithfulness” is the peculiar vice and temptation of the man. In marriage, a man freely gives up his rights for the rest of his life, and now holds fast to one woman till he dies, so that, as the Prayer Book says, all that he has and all that he is, now belongs to her.
Here the masculine virtue of faithfulness is most prominent because in the two other relations, the man himself does not make a choice. He simply is a son and simply is a brother by blood relation. But when he marries a woman, he enters into a covenant through his own volition and word. He is making a promise, leaving his parents and his household, and clinging to his wife. This takes the strength and resolve of a grown man.
The adulterous man disregards the bond of the covenant, uses his wife for his own selfish purposes, and then dumps her for another. He is an abusive man, and abusive men are always weak-willed. They have thrown off the masculine virtue of strength and exchanged it for a feeble and unstable will. To put it another way, the faithful husband is a confident man, but the heart of the unfaithful husband is movable like the waves of the sea (cf. James 1:6).
Stage 4: The Eighth Commandment and the Father
Like the address to the brother, the eighth commandment does not readily seem to be directed at fathers. Why is stealing the vice related to failure of fatherhood? This is because the Father is the giver. A father begets sons and daughters and gives them gifts. Jesus asks,
Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:9-11)
His earthly brother, James, elaborates on Jesus’ connection between Fatherhood and giftgiving, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights” (1:17).
The cliched image of a father who works hard all day, so that he can come home, put on his slippers, and watch the news is a far cry from true fathering. The father expends his work, time, and effort for his children. He provides them with a home and a hearth, with food and clothing. He gives them the basic mores and customs of human life. His demeanor, face, and gestures are all given to his children. It is his duty most of all to give his life for his household. This is his duty, and also his greatest joy.
This is why a good father is also going to be a good ruler or a good king because he understands that his strength and authority are not for himself, but chiefly for the benefit of his subjects. (And “King” is just the ruler of the “Kin.”) This contrasts with the kings of the nations who do not give themselves to the service of the people, but instead their chief occupation is one of “taking.” Samuel says that the wicked king will “take” their daughters, cooks, bakers, fields, vineyards, donkeys, flocks, and slaves (1 Samuel 8:13–17).
The man who is a son—given life—also is the man who becomes a father— who gives life. The father will one day give his entire estate to his children as their inheritance. Everything that he has worked for will be given to his children. Even his children will be given away. He will give away his daughters in marriage, and his sons will leave and cling to a wife.
This means that the father who depletes his children’s inheritance, who refuses to give his affection to his daughters, and whose time is distracted by his busyness is taking what does not belong to him. The faux machismo of a man who oppresses his wife and exasperates his children is a rejection of his fatherly station and a rejection of true masculinity.
Stage 5: The Ninth Commandment and the Elder
The father who takes care of his household well is eligible to take on the role of an Elder (1 Timothy 3:4). Like the Hebrew and the Greek, our word “elder” literally just means “older.” As a man turns to old age, he is now called upon to be a teacher and instructor to the next generation. When the Levites of the Old Testament turned 50 years old, they ceased “serving” at the tabernacle but retained their duty to “guard” it (Numbers 8:25–26). The strength of an old man is no longer in his body, but becomes located in his ability to speak and pass proper judgments at the city gates (cf. Ruth 4).
This commandment has primarily to do with speech and truthfulness in a judicial setting. Now that the elders have retired from active service, they sit at the city gate serving on court cases, passing judgments, bearing true witness, and in some cases proceeding to martyrdom (which is the ultimate form of true witness). They are entrusted with the keys of justice at the city gate, and they should not use their power of speech to manipulate righteousness and justice.
The old men serve as the counselors to the kings (cf. 1 Kings 12:6). They have lived through the first stages of manhood as a son, a brother, a husband, and a father. They have succeeded and failed in life so far. And now they can sit down and give counsel to those in the throes of life. Their advice becomes an invaluable means for supporting the next generation of men.
In this way, truth telling is the masculine virtue of old men. The temptation to bear false witness includes a refusal to admit their own failures, to try and cover their sins, or even worse, to bring the next generation down with them in their idolatry and rebellion. In this way, they ultimately seek to glorify themselves by reimagining their exploits so that their name will live on, rather than speaking the truth as prophets who give the glory to God despite their weaknesses.
Epilogue: Death and Resurrection
The final commandment is still addressed to the second person singular masculine; however, it does not seem to address a particular stage of a man’s life. Instead, the final commandment is a reflection on all the commandments and every relationship that a man has because it specifically addresses the desires of the heart. Whether a son, a brother, a husband, a father, or an elder, the heart of a man must be directed to love the Lord and love his neighbor—honoring parents, protecting his brother, being faithful to his wife, providing for his children, instructing the community. The Masculine Heart is deeply content with the life God has given to him. Paul reminds Timothy: “godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6).
On the other hand, this commandment does apply quite well to the aged. How does a godly man come face to face with the end of his life as he fades back into the dust?
Shakespeare compared the final stage of man’s life to the first one, “That last scene of all, that ends this strange eventful history, is second childishness.” Perhaps this commandment hearkens back to the fifth one as the aging man looks back on his grandchildren, his children, his wife, his brothers and sisters, his mother and father. How does this life come to a close?
This commandment then urges that a man who can no longer act, or work, or give, or help is not supposed to look back and wish that he had another life that was not given to him. Rather than bemoaning the life he has lived in deep regret and despondency, his dying breath must be like that first breath, full of thanksgiving to God who has richly bestowed upon him immeasurable grace so that “his spirit returns to God who gave it” (Ecclesiastes 12:7).
At the end of the stages of life, a man must entrust himself and all that he has to his Father, knowing that in his hands nothing good is ever lost, he will work all things for good in the end through his Beloved Son, and will bring life to his mortal body again.
Ryan Handermann is a pastor at Trinity Reformed Church and also teaches Latin for Wilson Hill Academy. He lives with his wife and seven kids in the north of Idaho where they go foraging for morel mushrooms in the spring, cherry picking in the summer, apple cider pressing in the fall, and try to keep warm in the long, dark winter.